2003 Saturn Vue Car Won't Start

I don't have a voltmeter.

I turned the key today and tried to turn on anything, lights, wipers, radio, and nothing came on.

When I pushed the button for the emergency flashers there was a clicking noise that was continuous while the button was depressed, but when I turned to key to "start" the car, the noise would stop.

No lights come on the dash regularly. If I turned the key on/off enough times for some weird reason I could get some lights to come on. The light that look likes a battery light up (the manual said that was a charging system issue if I remember right) and an yellow arrow (which the manual said was related to manual transmission, and I have an automatic)

I tried to jump it today, and it didn't work. I think that might be that we didn't give the battery long enough to recharge. I tried to tell the guy who was helping me that he was doing it wrong, but he wouldn't listen. We'll try again tomorrow, but I'm worried it's a bigger problem.

So I checked all the fuses, everything is good.

I didn't check the battery because they guy at the hardware store by me said he didn't have anything that will test a battery. He said I need to take it to an Autozone, they'll test for free

Problem is, I can't get the damn battery out. I think it's bolted to the tray on the under side. So I can't get it out, I can't jump start it, I can't drive it to an Autozone so they can help. What am I supposed to do?

The battery is ACDelco, which I believe is the original battery. It's probably time for it to be replaced, though I have noticed that a number of people have had battery problems with this model Saturn.

Once I get it to Autozone I will have them check the alternator and starter, and see if they can check the BCM.

Any help on how to remove the battery would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for the awesome image! I had to get help from a friend with smaller hands to remove that piece, but I got it out in the end.

Also, I did have to go buy a socket wrench set with a pretty healthy extender to remove that bolt.

Took the battery to Autozone, they charged it for an hour (which I figured they wouldn't need to do) and they announced it was dead.

After hooking up the new batter the car started like a dream! I will still take it by Autozone to test the starter and the alternator to make sure they aren't draining the battery.

Thanks for the help! :)