Lol, that is a good one. It sounds like the BCM is shorting out holding the door locks down or you have a shorted door lock actuator. I would remove the both door panels and unplug the lock actuators to see if the system comes back to life minus the door lock operation.
Here is a guide to help you see what you are in for when removing the door panels:
https://www.2carpros.com/articles/door-panel-removal
Here is how it will be for your car.
Check out the diagrams (below). Please let us know what happens.
Cheers, Ken
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Sunday, July 29th, 2018 AT 12:03 PM