Remote starter anti grind relay

I installed a remote starter on my car. when i use the remote, the car starts but the starter keeps engaging. the instructions say install a anti grind starter kill relay. they say to install the relay, use the ignition wire on the steering column the one with 12volts only when starting. I don't know what wire to use. Can you help and tell me what wire to use so i can be done? And thanks for helping me with the parking light problem. I found a broke wire down in the harness.